Louisiana Abortion Archives
Anonymous, Lafayette
The Louisiana Abortion Archives is a space where people can share their abortion stories within the safety of the larger nah brah community. The goal is to humanize our stories and our bodies to create empathy and affect change.
Myself and my partner were actively trying to grow our family and experiencing difficulty doing so. One month, I began to bleed, and the bleeding just wouldn’t stop. I bled for about a month when I contacted my doctor. They performed an ultrasound, which was inconclusive, but my HCG test was positive.
They continued to monitor my HCG levels for a few days, watching as the numbers increased, but not to a normal level. A second ultrasound confirmed that the embryo was developing in my Fallopian tube (which was the cause of the bleeding). I was immediately sent to Lafayette General, not expecting to have to go to the labor and delivery department, where I received a shot of methotrexate to halt the development of the embryo.
It all happened so fast - from being asked about the likelihood of a pregnancy, to getting a positive test, to being told that the pregnancy would need to be ended for my own life to be spared—I didn’t have time to process any of it.
It was bizarre and slightly traumatizing to be on the labor and delivery floor, knowing that folks around me were bringing babies into the world, as I was ending one that would never have been. It was also traumatizing to have the nurses, who were SO kind, tell me they were sorry for my loss - a loss I wasn’t even capable of comprehending.
The process for my body to reabsorb the tissue and for my HCG levels to return to zero took months. I continued to bleed. I experienced pain. I was not able to continue my attempt to conceive for months.
All the while, I had to come to terms with the loss - figuring out what it was to have conceived without knowing, to have had my life in danger, to have “failed” at bringing a baby into the world, and the relief I felt that the medical system made the loss of my pregnancy and the saving of my own life SO simple and safe.
The fact that I didn’t have to fight, didn’t have to wait, and didn’t have to risk my life any longer than I already had was one of the main reasons I was able to cope so well.
—Anonymous, Lafayette
To support this work, please consider signing up for a paid subscription to the nah brah newsletter for $5/month or $50/year. Your contributions will allow me to continue this work and create a space where we can meet, tell our stories, rage, love, and fight.
